Cops Suck

Well...at least when they don't like you. Which would be the case of Officer ShitHead and his obsession on busting high school kids. Now I have been out of high school for nearly a decade and had pretty much forgotten about that obnoxious little man that made it his life mission to bust me during my teen years. But, as most of us did, I went home for the holidays. And my parents still live in the town of three thousand that I went to high school in. And during the Thanksgiving weekend I just happened to run into him. How about a little history...

When I was 16 my parents moved me to a rural town in the Midwest. It was peaceful, quaint, and fucking boring. So what did I do for fun? We got into trouble. At least I did. Because I was the new kid and I didn't have family roots that went back generations in that stupid little town. See, certain kids couldn't get into trouble because of who there parents were. Last name meant everything and we didn't have one.

And about the time I moved there they city police hired their third officer. He was fresh from the academy and out for blood - problem was in a small town there was no bad guys to get. So he harassed high school kids for dime bags and MIP's. And I was his favorite. I can't remember how it started but for three years that asshole followed me and would do whatever he could to bust me for even the tiniest shit.

He finally got me a good one two weeks after I turned 18 in the beginning of my senior year. I was just drunk enough to not see him with his lights off a block from my house. And as if a DUI wasn't bad enough I ended up beating the shit out of him, and it was all on video from his cruiser.

No before you start to think I am Amazon woman let me explain. I am 5'4 and at the time about 115. Not a big girl. But this guy wasn't a hundred pounds soaking wet and I honestly didn't mean to hurt him. Seriously, he was trying to push me around putting the cuffs on and when he twisted my wrist my arm jerked and I accidentally elbowed him in the nose and he fell down. And when he got up he grabbed his nightstick and in self defense, thinking he was going to pummel me, I pushed him when he ran at me and he fell down again. It looked much worse on the video than it really was.

Now, if I had been that jerk I would have buried that damn tape and told me to go home. But that idiot brought it on himself. He arrested me, I spent a night and jail and a month later I appeared in court. And since assaulting an officer was a charge they had to play the tape. I have never seen so many grown, professional men laugh so hard. They really did try to hold it in, but come on, an 18 year old girl was beating the shit out of a police officer.

Needless to say the judge and my parents were friends and all the charges were dropped later so there was no blemish on my record. Rumor has it though that the tape is on YouTube now - I haven't looked :)

Back to the present. The guy was fired from the city police but hired on a couple of years ago by the sheriff's department so he is still in the same hell hole town. So this weekend I am at the grocery store and sure as shit we run into each other in the parking lot. I tried to be the big person and say hello but what does he do? He asks me if I have been drinking. Now I had had a drink earlier but I was by no means drunk. Yeah, I ended up down at the police station on my holiday vacation blowing into a breathalyzer machine. It rang up below the limit and I was sent home with the warning that he was "watching me". That dickhead had nothing better to do than park out across the street of my parents place until damn near midnight.

The old me would have fucked with him somehow. But this boring person I have become just did nothing and let it go. So as part of my plan to get my edge back, I have to do something to Officer ShitHead when I go back in a few weeks for Christmas. Any ideas??

Yes...Every Day

Well it's not like I go hunting or wishing for disasters to happen to me; they always find their way though. At least that is always what my past was like. And then things got boring for the last few years as everything "went right". Until recently, that is. Finally, it took one simple event (ok not so simple) to remember I am not dead after all.

Want to know what that one thing was? I can't tell you now and ruin the whole thing, we will leave it for a future post...ha ha - almost forgot how good it feels to be a tease :)

So this is my newest blog (and obviously my most personal) where I am going to try and remember that person I buried all those years ago when I got a corporate 9-5, and a husband, and a (absolutely beautiful) child.

I don't want to stop being who I am today - my family and company need me to stay this person. But I just realized I don't want to forgot who I once was and I want some of that "edge" back in my life.

So check back often while I conjure up old stories - some that are funny, some sweet, some not so sweet, some illegal, some (gasp) immoral, and some so far out there I am sure I will have trouble believing them. And as I try to bring this once confident, care free, fun loving, non stop, hidden persona to the present without destroying everything around me.